My wife Rebecca and I often find ourselves giving marriage and relationship advice to our single friends, and we’ve noticed one common theme:
You’re Making It Too Hard.
If you find yourself in a place where you think you are ready to find that special someone, you’ve got to relax and Just Be. Here are some tips that I think will help you while you are on the road to finding “The One.”
Photo credit:tamahaji
Be Ready
There’s all kinds of ways you need to be ready. Physically, you need to keep yourself in “showroom condition” – personal hygiene and good grooming is required.
Be ready to invest time into a relationship. They don’t just happen. Be ready to spend time not focused on yourself, be ready to sacrifice your wants for the needs of another.
Be Available
You must be mentally “available.” If you really are looking for Mr. Right, you can’t still have baggage that you are carrying around from your childhood. If you aren’t ready to be vulnerable, then you aren’t ready to have a real relationship.
Be Real
Don’t overthink it, or over-spiritualize it. There is something magical in love, when two people are connecting and beginning to envision a future together. Sometimes logic won’t work. Sometimes, there are no rays of light from heaven and birds fluttering above your head.
Please don’t use God as an excuse or a manipulator. When I hear someone use the “God told me I am supposed to marry you,” or “God asked me to break up with you” lines … I cringe. I think the former statement is manipulative and destructive, and as for the latter, I don’t think God is so mean that he would ask you to break up with someone you love.
Be Forward
You’re going to have to be bold to find and fight for your future spouse. If you can’t go up to a girl and tell her she’s the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen, then you’re going to miss out on that girl. If you can’t commit to a lunch date, let alone a relationship, you’re going to have a hard time settling down with “the one.”
Be Ware
It’s true that opposites attract. So beware that this person that you are investing your heart and possibly your life in… might just be 180 degrees opposite from you. But that’s okay. Let your OCD go for one night and do something spontaneous. Or learn to compromise and come to a decision that you wouldn’t have chosen on your own. It will be good practice for marriage.
Oh yeah, this isn’t going to be easy. And the minute you start opening your heart just a little to someone, it’s going to become very hard to be vulnerable and doubt will start creeping in. Stick with it. They are just as scared as you are. But if you are willing to love and be loved, there might be a future in it.
So, for married folks: what would you add to this list? And for singles, do you think all of this is possible?