You Are Going To Die. Initiation, part 5.

I’ve been talking about initiation over the past couple of weeks. (To catch up, start here: Boys Need an Initation)

The final element necessary for a rite of initiation: a “death” to the boy, and an emergence of the man. There needs to be revelation of the reality of life, through a recognition of our human fragility and the need for a rebirth.

In tribal cultures, this passage is marked by pain: a burning, a circumcision, a scarring. The boy is meant to emerge from the pain, scarred yet healed.

Photo credit:Frederic Salein

Scars Are Okay

Men were not built to look pretty. This should be obvious, at least with what I look like in the mirror each morning. Men were made to be scarred, with rough hands, scratches, bumps, and yes, scars.

As parents, of course we don’t want to see our children hurt, but we can’t protect them from everything. Boys becoming men will tend to get scratches and cuts.

As future warriors and men willing to do hard work, we’ll realize that scars happen. They tell a story of experience and pain, but also of healing.

Get Healed, Then Get On With It

We can’t keep picking the scab, allowing old pains to fester. To break free from momma’s skirts, to be able to stand on their own, boys need to realize that yes, pain happens, we get hurt. But then we move on.

A rebirth needs to happen. Sometimes that’s symbolized in a water baptism, other times by going into the wilderness and not returning until we’ve hunted and killed big game.

In any initiation process, the boys becoming men must realize it’s okay to have a past, but not to dwell in it. Once the pain has healed, let it go. Move on with your life, enter into manhood with pride, independence and trust.

Come back next week for my final blog in the Initiation series.

Is there a wound in your life that you continue to pick at? Or is there past pain that you’ve endured and now use as a reminder of a turning point in your life? Share them if you’re willing to be a little vulnerable.